Emo Philips one-liners:
People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?"
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."The other day a woman came up to me and said, "Didn't I see you on television?"I said, "I don't know. You can't see out the other way."